Blogging is for me

In order to get those thoughts and feelings out I talked about the other day, this blog is going to be my place to turn. I need an outlet and this is it! Instead of turning to other things to relieve my pain, frustration and stress writing is a huge relief.

I had a wonderful conversation for a few hours into the wee morn 2AM last night. It was very good. Just being myself and getting to know more about a friend is great. Some of the things they said actually made me cry. They were good tears, tears of relief, tears of sorrow, and tears of joy mixed into one. It was like I was being understood and valued.
I've known this person a long time but we don't chat like that ever! I asked them to share a few things from The Lord and it was spot on. :-) grateful for that'

I'm thankful right now for friendships, old and new. I am enjoying spending time with so many good friends. It takes time to develop, I would say years actually!

I love games and the fellowship that happens during them. So much fun and Laughter these past few weeks!

Its Okay to not do it all!

I love it when God speaks to me in dreams.  I wont go into specifics but I woke up today knowing it was okay to drop a class and beneficial to my health.  I registered for 13 credits which is 4 classes and with working two jobs, plus a social life and being happily committed to the Lord with various fellowship opportunities during the week something had to give.  

 If I didn't go to church I would be forsaking the fellowship of believers and corporately worshiping the Lord is important to me.  
If I quit one of my jobs financially I wouldn't be able to make it.  
If I cut out my social life I wouldn't be able to handle school stress and would get depressed.  
If I cut out a class it would relieve a little stress and I can always take it later as it is available each quarter.  

So I came to the conclusion that I am not a failure if I just have 9 credits and its okay to not do everything all the time and pack my life so busy I can't think anymore.  I don't like stressed out Janette.  She isn't fun!!! 

Praising the Lord today for who he is on this Resurrection Sunday.  How Blessed am I to know the maker of the Heavens and the Earth.  Grateful for a Savior who bled and died for all of us. Jesus Oh what a wonderful name.  Each time I say "Jesus" its like a blanket wraps around me.  That name is so powerful.  Thank You Holy spirit for flooding the earth with the Lords presence.   

Savior

Oh what thoughts they would have had on this night so long ago. Not knowing their savior would be alive in the morn what agony they may have felt.  How astonishing it would've been to be there at the tomb the next day.  How would they have felt at the moment they knew he was alive. So thankful for a savior who conquered the grave.  How amazing to be part of the family of God.  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Kh-xgy_Qn0

Sometimes I just need to be heard!

Struggling is a word that I would describe of my life. When one area is good it seems I'm deeply troubled in another. I know what to do, I know what is right, I know how to get free but yet I don't live that way most of the time.

Why do you think that is?
Selfishness
Stressed
Overwhelmed
Focussing on the bad rather than the good?
Tired
Exhausted
Not taking every thought captive?
Addicted to living life in a rut?
How do I find a balance?
Perhaps it's all of those combined!!!

My whole thought life has been so screwed up.

It brings me to tears just thinking about the way God doesn't care about all of the junk, because of Jesus he sees me as righteous, as holy and blameless in his sight. Just that thought overwhelms and consumes the sin in my life. Changes the Darkness to light and gives liberty in areas that without The Lord are forever in bondage.

Sometimes I feel like I have no voice like I'm not heard. I want to speak but i feel my thoughts and words are dumb or worthless. I feel that way because while forming thoughts and speaking them I second guess myself.

Just recently I started a movie and after the 19th F word I couldn't handle it anymore and went to bed. I hurt myself the next day and thought that F-ing hurt and then another 4 letter word. This is not the influence I want in my mind. I typically do not watch movies with too much cussing, adultery and nudity. When I hear or see those things they are an influence. Even if you think they aren't subconsciously they are.
When I listen to very much talk radio I get stirred up and angry. Then it spills into the rest of my life. I don't want to live out of those places. What am I letting influence me?

Going to school is very distracting and consumes my life. I let it control who I am at times. I get stressed, and overwhelmed then the rest if my life follows. I forget about who I am, I forget about the people I love, I forget about spending time with Jesus, I forget about responsibilities and do something to replace that with so i can forget about what i need to do or should do.

Thankful today for forgiveness and what this day means. Good Friday, such a powerful thing Jesus did on the cross!