How often do we second guess ourselves? I’m always second guessing my choices and decisions. Choosing a job is the worst for me. I enjoy my job but it’s overwhelming at times. Isolated in my room is super hard working during covid. Contemplating graduate school, contemplating a new relationship, contemplating a career change! What does the future hold? Endless possibilities are out there and yet I just want to know and control. It’s hard giving up control of things in life for me. It’s unnerving. I’m a planner, I want to know what’s coming and what’s happening. Trusting the Lord for my future is hard! Giving up control isn’t easy. I’m learning to let go and let God. I am stressed out with my job and thinking of a career change is frightening. I’m hoping with the weather changing I can get out of the house and out of my winter blues.
I’m not very good at dating either. I feel like I’m too picky and judgmental. I think that I am looking for something so specific it’s hard for me to give others a chance. I also always like the ones who never like me back. Friend zoned is the place I’ve always been. I’m nervous to continue with people because I so don’t want to make the wrong choice and then miss the right one. Some may think we can’t miss it but we have free will and make choices. I always want the best timing and get overwhelmed with changes. I’ve never gotten male attention while being so overweight. As I lose weight it has increased. Something I am not used to and scares me. I wasn’t very good with it when I was younger. Lord teach me patience. I also just want to chat all day long and am not very good at holding back. I am experiencing different personalities. I’m thankful that I’m an ambivert! I can understand both sides of that part of someone’s personality. I am learning through this process of getting to know men that what I do or say is just as important as what they do or say. How am I presenting myself? Am I being authentic? I sure hope so!
So while feeling like huge changes are coming I’m learning to let my sense of control go. The hardest thing for me in this season. I’ve dealt with some physical issues this year that have brought anxiety and uncertainness. This caused in me overwhelming feelings and trying to work with it all has been difficult. To be honest, it’s sad how little I gave it to the Lord. Surrender is necessary, Lord help me to lay down my burdens and focus on you! How much time do I spend on things that are meaningless? How much time do I invest in what the Lord wants to do in my life? Really focusing on my relationship with Christ and how I need to increase my time spent with Jesus.
I’m seeking counsel and not keeping things to myself and that’s helping me tremendously. I tend to isolate and hide away but am seeing how detrimental that has been to my mental state and quality of life. Having others who can pray and walk along side my decisions is so important. So grateful for all the new connections I have and the faithful people speaking into me! Taking a leap of faith whatever area of my life this year will be exciting and I’m praying for the Lords best!
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