In the fall I had some issues with my menstrual cycle. January given an option and it made it worse to the point of having to take medication to stop everything. Then in February they wanted to do a procedure that I couldn’t do because of anxiety. I was given a new medication for three months and sent on my way. This medication made me have horrible side effects and to the point of it being extremely scary a few days. I also was having extremely painful contractions. This was traumatic for me and trying to work from home in the midst of pain and hormonal emotions was horrid. I felt like I was having a breakdown almost daily. It got to the point of medical intervention and they put me on a different pill but now I need an endometrial biopsy. Probably one of the top ten worst days in life was that day, learning the pill is failing me while in agonizing pain and I need the procedure immediately but they couldn’t schedule it until April 12th. I laid in bed with so many thoughts and emotions. I couldn’t handle this news. I had so many hopes of figuring it out. All the thoughts of worry and anxiousness about the procedure came flooding in. That was three weeks ago. I’m still processing and clinging to scripture. I have a lot more peace now but am nervous. Just a few more days now.
How can I be an emotional wreck and give of myself to others right now. My job is literally as a support system and teacher of child development to parents. If my brain is scattered I’m not doing a very good job. I have felt like I was failing at my job lately. It’s overwhelming and a lot of work. When your mind isn’t right it’s hard to focus and get things done. I’ve considered a career change so that I’m not overwhelmed. That is scary but might be necessary. I’m emotionally invested in the lives of my families. I need to separate my work and personal life and that is hard to do when I’m working in my room where I do life outside of work. I was okay in the beginning but now see it’s not the best practice. Making some changes to my space is helping and being more aware of how I feel is too.
I feel like myself again and after crazy emotional weeks. I am more even keel. It’s such a relief to not be so emotional at all moments of the day. Of course I’m a sensitive person and tender hearted so crying happens quickly for me but not like it was. I cried at the craziest things. I felt so random before and am gaining my sense of control back. Trying to figure out my new normal.
