I’ve always known who I was as a fat person, but I hid behind my sweatshirts, changed to skirts because I hated my appearance and wanted to feel and look more feminine. Jeans were not right for my body type. Large stomach and smaller butt squished to confinement isn’t comfortable or flattering. I felt like a fish out of water much of the time. I longed to join in activities and do things other people could do but was tired and didn’t feel good almost daily. I longed to just feel normal. I let my fat hold me back from living so much of my life. I wanted to visit people I loved and missed so many times but for fear of not looking great, I didn’t call or go to see them. I have huge desires to hike so many places and even parts of the pacific crest trail. I want to run freely without injuries. I love swimming and exercising in the pool but when you’re so overweight it is hard to start doing any of those things. The ideal me is a swimmer, enjoys going out with friends, can go to various waterfalls and hike around them, doesn’t get tired walking around after just a little while on the beach, can sit on an airplane seat without an extended buckle and isn’t afraid of what other people think about her body.
When I started a huge change in my life using myfitnesspal 2013-14 and working out I lost a lot of weight and inches and looked pretty good. But I didn’t deal with the mental side of losing weight and every winter I got depressed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I didn’t know how to get out of my slump and would eat my feelings and stay in my room a lot more. I still cannot believe the amount of food I used to eat, even just a few years ago. Shrinking my stomach has been a long process but I found ways that are working. I would always gain during the Christmas holiday and couldn’t get back on track. My weight has gone up and down hundreds of times. I look at photos of myself and still see that huge person despite 75+ lbs gone! It’s hard to see the changes in my body even though my clothes are fitting looser and I have to replace a lot of them. My largest pants size was 26 and 4x shirt that were both big but I could wear them just fine. I do not know my highest weight but know 351 for sure, not weighing is an issue I deal with to avoid the truth. I’m under 300 now and have been for a while. I have been steadily declining the last few years. Taking the weight off quickly wasn’t something I wanted to do. Most of the time people just gain it back. After hearing so many not good weightloss surgery stories I didn’t want to go down that path either. I want my body to do what it was designed to do and work it’s self out.
As an adolescent I was judged and even put down on subtle ways from those around me. Suggestions of losing weight do not help an overweight person. Telling them about so and so overweight person with health issues doesn’t help. The number one support they need is mental and emotional support. There is always a reason behind the weight gain and most of the time it is trauma. Help them work through issues invite them to do fun things. I have watched people treat my skinny sister so differently than myself. When you’re overweight you become the background to someone else’s story most likely. Nutrition is a huge part of weight gain. I’ve learned a lot in recent months and have started my own journey to health several times. Now it is different as I’m working with a doctor and do not want to go on medication. I now am Keto and low carb. My body is eating it’s own fat. It’s amazing to see the changes in my body. If you have an overweight child get them counseling encourage them to find a hobby, seriously limit the sugar in your home and eat less grains. The American way of eating sugar constantly is so unhealthy and detrimental to your family and children’s health. Use fruit as the sugar in your home not candy and desserts. Granola bars most of them are basically candy with the same sugar content. Apples with almond butter and cinnamon are perfect as dessert. Seriously consider throwing out the sugar and limiting candy to just a holiday or celebration. Also do not reward or punish your children with food. Don’t control their every waking food choice either. Suggestion would be to take a clear bin and label it their name choose some fruit veggies and snacks for it, when they are hungry and need a snack that is the bin for the day. Great way to have them choose the veggies and fruit or other alternative. Life long habits start at day 0 of your life! Look at baby food packaging... why do infants need added sugar in their food? Herbs gets them hooked on sugar right from the beginning! Look up Baby Led Weaning and you’ll thank me later!
I gained the attention of not so great guys because they know women of a larger size do not get much attention and when they do they fall for the flattery or are conned to feel beautiful but all the man wants is sex. Time and time again I make a connection and it comes to that subject and it’s pushed to the forefront of the friendship or relationship. I am so glad I chose to stop looking for love in all the wrong places. I shouldn’t have to compromise my beliefs for someone. I know physical attraction is huge for men and I’m working on my appearance but the inside is just as important as the outside. Unfortunately most men don’t see me as attractive and that’s just how it is. Finding a good man is my goal for this next year or so. Someone who truly can value my friendship and also sees my journey to a healthier me as important.
Now that I’m on my way I have new things to think about. In the weight loss journey I’m rediscovering who I am and what I like What new things should I try? I’ve always wanted a banana boat bike, a pink or yellow one! A classic Schwinn bike with a basket. Could be fun? I’m not sure but it’s time to get out of my comfort zone and put some dancing shoes or hiking boots on. I just have to find people to try new things with, not always fun on my own! I absolutely love swimming still and can never leave that.
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